Sacred Masculine Blog

Reflections on Having our Needs Met

I have been seeing my resistance to asking to have my needs met recently. I notice that sometimes I don’t ask for what I need for, for fear of rejection…for fear of the other saying ‘no’. And that somehow if they were to say ‘no’ I would somehow be less, I would be worse off than if I had kept my mouth closed. But I also know that this is not true.

Whenever we ask for what we need we are honouring our selves and this equates to self love. This in turn helps to heal and integrate the disconnected aspects of ourselves, the separation that has happened inside us from our experiences as children. When we ask we do so with as little attachment to the outcome as possible, knowing that the fact that we have had the courage to speak or ask is the most important thing and this alone has healed something inside us.

It’s okay to be needy because actually neediness connects us. It is encoded in our humanity that we need others. It facilitates connection and interdependence which is an aspect of all creation and all that is in alignment with the natural laws.

Somewhere along the line we learnt that it is weak to be needy, to ask for help, to not be able to do it all on our own. But I say that it takes courage and strength and vulnerability to reach out and ask for help and say ‘hey! I can’t do this on my own!’

We were not meant to do this on our own!!  No man is an island. If you took the plug out of the ocean and drained all the water away you would see that everything is connected. Islands are an illusion of separation.

And when we ask to have our needs met by another we serve them in many ways too. They get the honour of being the one to serve you, to help someone that they care about. When you are asked for help, doesn’t it invariably feel good? YES? Because being there for others brings us back in alignment with our true nature of Love.

Nothing is absolute and there are also times when we need to meet our own needs, to go within and see if what we crave externally is something that we need to source from deep within ourselves. And also there are some people who need to hear our ‘No’ if we feel that they would do well to start taking some responsibility.

Sometimes the strong thing is not to stay in your corner of the forest and expect others to know what you need or do it all alone. Sometimes the strong thing is to ask for help, to ask for what you need. Let’s celebrate our neediness and remember it is another divine aspect of this amazing, rich, bitter sweet experience of being human.

We were born to meet each other’s needs. In meeting another’s needs we meet our own for in truth there really is no ‘other’, there is Only One.

 

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Healing Heart Conversations

The words in the image above describe well the kind of conversations that I am increasingly having, particularly with women. Sadly it seems to be rare for a woman to experience what it is to be held in sacred space and have a direct experience of divine masculine energy moving through man so that she can open, release and heal, in order to then blossom and flower and step into her full radiant power.
Holding space means being listened to deeply, with a still mind, devoid of judgement and in this heart space a sweet, healing energy transmission takes place. This is often felt emotionally or sometimes physically as well as the clarity of mind that arises through the words shared. It is a time for preparing the soil and the planting of seeds.

I am a fence that will surround and keep you safe while we explore the sometimes tender transition from caterpillar to butterfly. This may be one Healing Heart session or a series. The fence will remain as long as it is needed.
The truth is that we are always on a journey of transformation. Perhaps it is only in the death of these bodies that we truly become a butterfly or perhaps life just becomes increasingly full of butterfly moments. Or perhaps we are always caterpillars while we are in these bodies but we know in truth we are butterflies too!

There is a reLOVEution of the spirit taking place. And so we are being asked to step into our fullness and die to the old stories we have been carrying for too long. We do this work for ourselves but more importantly for the children and the generations to come. NOW is a good time for rebirth. Now is a good time to awaken to the Love that we are. 🙂

The paradox is that in talking about what we don’t know we begin to see and know. If we are going to talk and disturb the beauty of silence then let’s talk about the beautiful, tender, bitter sweetness of this human experience.

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Sacred Masculinity and role models for our young men

Yesterday was my last mentoring session with James (not his real name). I have been seeing James for an hour and a half every two weeks for over a year. Now the funding has run out as he has finished school and moved on to college. The primary objective of the mentoring was to prevent him from being expelled from school. We achieved that at least.
I am sad that I won’t get to see him anymore but he knows that he can call me any time if he wants to talk. He probably won’t. None of the many young people that I have worked with over the last 20 years ever get back in touch. They just disappear and I can only hope that some of the seeds that I have sown will take root so that they may grow strong and healthy and even perhaps flower.
James is no angel. He hangs around in the gang scene, listens to gang music and wears gang clothes. He is addicted to cannabis. It helps his anxiety and his back pain and helps keep him numb and distracted from the shadows of his past that haunt him.
He was fostered by the mother of his best friend and so has been very lucky in this respect. He was taken from his own mother and separated from his siblings by social services eventually when his step father slammed his head in a door as a punishment. He was about 11 years old at the time. This incident was the last in a series of violent abuse that James had suffered. His father has been in prison for most of his life.
I don’t know what life has in store for James but I know the road ahead will not be straight forward. It’s hard to break the cycle of drugs, crime and violence that is his daily life and all he really knows.
In our time together we would always go to a cafe and have a full English breakfast. It felt important to me to share food, for me to offer him some physical nourishment as well as emotional and spiritual. I do this with most of my mentees. While we ate we would talk and I would catch up on what had been happening since we last met. I would offer guidance here and there but try my best not to judge. After we would go for a drive. James would be in charge of the stereo and we would invariably listen to gang music … loud! I didn’t challenge him too much about the lyrics. I know the music is a form of self harm, the pain in the lyrics makes James feel that it is not just him, that he is not alone and the songs sing of feelings etc that he is not able to express himself.
It seems primarily important when we work in a therapeutic way with anyone that we accept them as they are. James says he has listened to hundreds of people who have tried to change him and fix him and put him on the right path. He listened to me when I did challenge him because most of the time I accept him as he is. I never told him to stop smoking because I did the same thing when I was his age. I was stoned for 10 years until I was ready to begin exorcising the pain of my childhood.
Anyway I feel that it is important for me to do what I can, as an awakening man, for James and the other young men that I mentor face to face or via video call. The children are the future. They are growing up in an environment that is far from the optimum conditions for health, self esteem and happiness. When we heal ourselves we help the young people that we come into contact with. As Bob Marley said ‘you can’t blame the youth.’ They are a product of our dysfuncional society. It’s just as well that the old is crumbling and the new is rising for the sake of all the innocent children across the planet.

So I asked James to write a few words by way of recommendation to other young men and this is what he wrote. Not the kind of thing you would expect really from a tough gang member, criminal, drug user!!

‘I highly recommend miguel dean mentoring sessions as they are very useful for young persons such as myself going through family trouble, abuse, bullying, anxiety and any other issues or even just to chat. miguel is genuinely the nicest man I’ve ever met and I hope more people reach out to him as the sessions are extremely useful – miguel thank you so much mate I have found great value in the sessions and I will never forget the lessons you taught me thank you thank you thank you’

Bless him and all the children.

 

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Working Toward Divine Union of Sacred Masculine and Feminine

We know unequivocally that the return to peace and love and communion between man and woman is a key part of creating ‘the more beautiful world that our hearts know is possible’ perhaps for our selves but more importantly for the children and the generations to come.

But where do we begin with this seemingly huge piece of work that needs to be done when there seems to be so much disharmony and separation between many men and women? Where there could be intimacy and closeness or even direct experience of the Oneness of Life through the merging of two hearts and souls in complete Love and surrender there are often vast wastelands of separation.

In my experience when confronted with a daunting task, pretty much anywhere is a good place to begin. There are no wrong choices when we decide to do what needs to be done. The only wrong choice is to do nothing.

It seems to me that when I look back on my journey the greatest steps to freedom and peace have been made when I look within. It’s important to remember that the outer world we experience with our senses is but a reflection of our inner world, the stories we have created to make sense of our experiences and our beliefs which are sometimes unconscious.

There are key indicators that will inform you what your beliefs are around intimate relationship with the opposite sex. Here is one:

What is your relationship like with your mother or father? To what extent are you at peace with them? To what extent is there still a parent child dynamic? How honest are you with them?

Our parents form templates on which we unconsciously base our later adult relationships.

After many years I am at peace with my father who was absent because of his career choice and I am at peace with step mother who was pretty abusive for most of my childhood. But it took a while to arrive at this place.

I achieved this with little or no conversations about the matter with my parents. I worked mostly with one question?

What do I need to do in order to become the parent to myself now that I wish I had when I was a child?

It’s pretty simple. You find out what you feel you missed out on and you give it to your self now, and you give it to everyone you meet too. It’s pretty simple really. It just takes commitment and perseverance and a little resilience and patience. If you really want something then you will do what it takes.

This work facilitates and catalyses the inner marriage of masculine and feminine within each of us.
This one exercise alone is extremely key in healing the wounds within so that we become a clearer, cleaner and brighter proposition for a potential suitor. Real Change is always an INSIDE job! If you are looking outwardly and blaming and critcising the opposite sex then maybe it would be worth looking within a little more. When you change the energy of who you are then your world and the people you meet will change too.

Let’s not get lost in blaming and shaming like children; let’s take full responsibility for our own shit, let’s have the courage where we could to do more…no matter how many times we have been let down in the past, when the conditions are right, when the ground is prepared with love and care and vigilance, then beautiful flowers will grow and miracles do happen.

 

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Meet Me On The Bridge

They met on the bridge and he held her tight and she held him. They were two as One and the earth span and the birds sang and the white clouds raced over the vast, blue, blue sky.

When they were ready they walked over to the edge of the bridge and looked up stream at the clear water flowing, gurgling, singing gently to itself.

They had made a pact. That they would surrender everything to The River of Life and let go to the Great Mystery beyond the doors of perception and the small puddle mind.

One at a time they carefully and compassionately took their fear and held it in their hands and looked deep into each others eyes. When they were ready they placed their fear on the wall of the bridge and turned to face themselves in each other again.

This time they took their love and tenderly placed it on the wall beside their fear. They had decided to let go of everything. Again they looked deep into each others eyes and without words said everything that they needed to say to each other.

When they were once again ready they stepped forward hand in hand and with their free hands they pushed their love and fear off the bridge and watched it enter The River and disappear momentarily before rising again and disappearing under the bridge.

They ran to the other side of the bridge and waited for love and fear to reappear so that they could bid them farewell and watch them disappear downstream.

After a long time and in no time at all love reappeared bobbing gently in the current but there was no sign of fear.

They watched silently as love dissolved into The River until it was no longer visible. Only The River remained.

They turned and faced each other one last time. Carefully he helped her up onto the wall before climbing up himself.

Holding hands they jumped.
As One they fell and disappeared into the water.

And the earth span and the birds sang and the white clouds raced over the vast, blue, blue sky.

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Authentic, Sacred Masculinity

Let’s talk about authentic, sacred masculinity. Because talking is the beginning, then comes the doing….
There is an inner compass within each man that will guide him on this path if he chooses to walk this way.

When we consider that the majority of key players in shaping the way society and the world game has evolved were and are men you have to question whether this is the best we can do?
What if there was another type of man? What if there are aspects of masculinity that have been diminished and suppressed and hidden? What if some of the shadowy less beautiful aspects of the average man are the results of suppression and distortion?

Of course the current planetary situation is also due to the suppression of the divine feminine. When the masculine and feminine principles and people are not equally honoured and in balance things will go out of Kilter. It is time for She to rise again and be seen and witnessed and elevated to her rightful place on her throne beside the sacred, loving masculine.

If the sacred and more conscious, loving, courageous, authentic is arising within me then why would it not also be happening in many other of my brothers across the planet? Of course it is. I am reminded of this by my conversation with Todd Medina on Soulogy last night.

Big changes often start with an idea, a thought and then conversations happen and this is the beginning of the alchemy from unmanifest to manifest. Now is a good time to walk our talk; to get shit done.

And now is a good time to have the courage to return to the realm of the heart where we can feel and set free all those emotions that we were taught as young men to hide and deny. ‘Emotions that are buried alive never die!’
When we decide to regain our sovereignty we embark on our hero’s journey that is not for the feint of heart.
Will it hurt? YES at times….and if we drop the mind we will feel more and more that ‘it hurts beautifully.’
Feel, purge, purify…
As we descended down into the feeling realms we also ascend.
Now is a good time to for rising, for stepping up for the children and all the generations to come and all sentient beings in the seen and unseen realms. Aho!

 

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