Reflections on Having our Needs MetMiguel Dean
I have been seeing my resistance to asking to have my needs met recently. I notice that sometimes I don’t ask for what I need for, for fear of rejection…for fear of the other saying ‘no’. And that somehow if they were to say ‘no’ I would somehow be less, I would be worse off than if I had kept my mouth closed. But I also know that this is not true.
Whenever we ask for what we need we are honouring our selves and this equates to self love. This in turn helps to heal and integrate the disconnected aspects of ourselves, the separation that has happened inside us from our experiences as children. When we ask we do so with as little attachment to the outcome as possible, knowing that the fact that we have had the courage to speak or ask is the most important thing and this alone has healed something inside us.
It’s okay to be needy because actually neediness connects us. It is encoded in our humanity that we need others. It facilitates connection and interdependence which is an aspect of all creation and all that is in alignment with the natural laws.
Somewhere along the line we learnt that it is weak to be needy, to ask for help, to not be able to do it all on our own. But I say that it takes courage and strength and vulnerability to reach out and ask for help and say ‘hey! I can’t do this on my own!’
We were not meant to do this on our own!! No man is an island. If you took the plug out of the ocean and drained all the water away you would see that everything is connected. Islands are an illusion of separation.
And when we ask to have our needs met by another we serve them in many ways too. They get the honour of being the one to serve you, to help someone that they care about. When you are asked for help, doesn’t it invariably feel good? YES? Because being there for others brings us back in alignment with our true nature of Love.
Nothing is absolute and there are also times when we need to meet our own needs, to go within and see if what we crave externally is something that we need to source from deep within ourselves. And also there are some people who need to hear our ‘No’ if we feel that they would do well to start taking some responsibility.
Sometimes the strong thing is not to stay in your corner of the forest and expect others to know what you need or do it all alone. Sometimes the strong thing is to ask for help, to ask for what you need. Let’s celebrate our neediness and remember it is another divine aspect of this amazing, rich, bitter sweet experience of being human.
We were born to meet each other’s needs. In meeting another’s needs we meet our own for in truth there really is no ‘other’, there is Only One.