Tag - vulnerability

If You Come To My Door

If you come to my door then please leave your mind by the path on the garden gate.

It’s not that there is a problem with your mind, you have a beautiful mind, it’s just that it gets a little lost and scared at times.

Do not leave it by my door because it will bounce and jump, so that it can peak through the windows.

Hang it gently, tenderly on the gatepost as if it were your favourite bag with a box of eggs inside.

 

If you come to my door then take my outstretched hand for you are most welcome into this sacred space.

Let me take your coat and shoes and take a seat while I prepare you something warm and soothing to sip.

Show me with your eyes when you are ready to be held and I will wrap my strong arms around you so that you will know that you are safe and cherished.

And allow me the pleasure of nuzzling under the tumble of your thick brown curls so that I can breathe you in; your exquisite, delicate, feminine fragrance.

 

If you come to my door please allow me to prepare some food for us while you lay looking so beautiful on the sofa, and rest your sleepy body.

When our bellies are full let’s watch our spirits swirl and blend with the gentle, warm music and soft, cosy candle light.

 

If you come to my door then perhaps my body will dance and move for you as it has never done before and I will lay back when I am spent and watch your curves ebb and flow to the rhythm of your life’s passion for itself.

If you come to my door then perhaps you will also come to my bed. Perhaps I will lay my hands on you where they are moved to be or I will breathe into you the sacred Lover’s breath and allow the magic to pulsate, to move and tremble your open, physical form.  And the releasing, the transforming will be done with tears and laughter while a  deep reverence and gratitude for this human experience shall join us and watch in awe.

Then we shall lay together and I will caress your face allowing the memories and old fears to surface gently like rainbow bubbles whose time has come to burst.

Please come to my door for your love blesses me as it undoes and dissolves that which was never really me.

Your outstretched hand as I go to leave the bed says so sweetly and tenderly ‘don’t go my love. Stay a while longer.  I want you.’ Your wanting melts my heart and tears for all the unloved and unwanted parts of my self rise up.

And when we are done with our healing, our feeling, our letting go, then we will slip into a hot bath together to wash each other and feel the wet contours of these miraculous human lives. Frankincense and Lavender oil to anoint these sacred bodies that know and feel so much.

If you come to my door then know that I will miss you when you leave; even though we both know that Love can never really leave itself.

If you come to my door…

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On Tender, Loving, Vulnerability and Transformation

Let me make it clear that I share what I share because I believe and know of the power in vulnerability. I am well, I am strong, I am blessed, I am exactly where I need to be, experiencing exactly what is needed in service of my own transformation and that of the collective. I do not need or seek sympathy. I share because I feel it is important to share the whole of me, the whole of the ascension process, the messy bits and the bits that bring shame or lack of self worth to the surface to be released and transformed and dissolved. I share so that others who are finding their journey challenging may find solace in knowing that they are not alone. Too often we just want to share the ‘success’ the shiny end result, the victory. We forget to share the process that may guide and inspire others, we forget to share the perceived failures and the times when we are on our knees and crawling out of bed in the morning takes a super human will. It is the journey that IS the destination and so I feel it is important to share all aspects of my journey in the hope that others may find strength and resilience and faith when each are needed.

And having said all this, if everything is flowing and easy in your journey, then that’s awesome. Suffering and challenge is not to be put on a pedestal. It doesn’t mean that if you are not suffering that you are not growing. Suffering is old paradigm stuff and I believe that it is on the way out because with a new higher, deeper consciousness we don’t need suffering. We can learn from Love and joy and bliss too when we are awake enough to not need the motivation of unnecessary pain for change. Pain is inevitable as part of this current human experience but suffering is optional right NOW. Who knows what the future holds in relation to this.

Right now Life is an amazing blend for me. I feel so blessed and grateful for this Life and where I am on my journey, I am so bathed in Love and compassion and Divine Feminine tenderness and this Love is releasing and displacing the last remnants of fear that reside in my heart. As this fear is displaced I am feeling it in the form of emotions like low self worth and shame and a kind of uncleanness. And I know it is just the old leaving. As it passes through my physical body it causes discomfort. My skin feels uncomfortable, sleep is limited and there are aches and pains and strange sensations particularly in the right (masculine) side of my body. Headaches that are so unusual for me are more common and I am being asked to really honour my body. Today I have a massage booked!

The body and emotional stuff brings some challenges when there are things that need attending to, even though I feel at times I would just like to hibernate in my man cave for the winter!! It is just stuff passing through. It is part of my journey to freedom on all levels. I have taken steps to alleviate the process as best as possible and a large dose of surrender medicine is being swallowed too!

Lots of tenderness and lots of self care is needed at these times when the energy seems to be accelerating our metamorphosis massively.
Be in nature, feet on the earth and head in the sky.
Being with our tribe and being connected with those who we love and are loved by. Whatever we feel, it is personal to some extent but remember it is also humanity’s ‘stuff’ that we are clearing. A whole lineage of clearing is not for the feint of heart!

I believe that tender, loving, vulnerability facilitate transformation. .
All is well and all manner of things shall be well.

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Male Suicide and the Divine Feminine

At different points yesterday I found my mind wondering about the suicide of my homeless friend Rem and I saw the connection with the feminine, the heart, the feeling centre.
Rem was loved by many folk but he could not feel it. I can relate to this. When we are young and our needs are not met or we suffer trauma, we build protective layers around our hearts to protect them from feeling more emotional pain.
I think of these walls as made of ice and and all the unexpressed emotions that we were not able or capable of feeling at the time.
So we live in a world where the heart, the feeling centre of most people is encased in ice, frozen and inaccessible to varying degrees.
For me the heart is the throne or home of the divine feminine but for too long She has been locked away in this self made prison inside the hearts of men and women.
The ice prison bars protect us to some extent from feeling more pain but unfortunately the bars also prevent us feeling Love that is given freely by people that care about us.
Rem could not feel the Love because of the bars he had unconsciously created around his heart. If he could have felt the Love maybe he would not have taken his life.
My heart was also in an ice prison for much of my life but by the grace of God I realised that I could begin working to dissolve the bars. This is the journey back to the heart that we each are invited to take at this auspicious time in humanity’s story. This journey on a macro level is the pledge to restore the Divine Feminine, to her rightful throne. As each of us make progress on this journey to our own hearts we affect the collective and take more steps towards a new earth built on the foundations of Love and Truth and pure masculine and feminine principles.
This journey is not for the feint of heart because as we set our intention and walk the road back home we will initially feel everything that was not felt before. As the ice bars melt the old ‘frozen alive’ feelings are released and we must have the courage and awareness to know how to feel these feelings which are often intense, especially when we have been numb for so long and are so unaccustomed to know what it is to feel acutely.
For me Rem’s story is symbolic of the journey that man is invited to embark on at this time, back home to the heart, to honouring our feelings, to have the courage to feel the full spectrum of emotions that are part of the miracle of this human experience.
And this journey is not just for men but for women too. Perhaps it is just more of a challenge for men because we were often given even less permission to feel as boys growing up.
Melting the ice bars, feeling again, coming back to life,. walking each other home, courageously feeling what needs to be felt, remembering that not only are we all worthy of Love but that we are always Loved and in actual fact Love is our very essence.
Now is a good time for the sacred masculine to fully embrace the divine feminine, to set her free from the prison where she has been for too long and in this way there will be less and less stories like Rem’s until one day these stories will all but be forgotten.

 

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The All-One Tree

Can you see the tree that stands all alone on the hill?
How complete she seems unto herself as you hurry by.

But slow down, pause a while and look again.

See how her sure branches reach and merge with the light infinity of sky.
See how she makes love with the gentle breeze; caressed and fondled she whispers her delight in the shimmering of her delicate leaves.
See how the sun warms her and the frost adorns her; different lovers who come to be with her a while.

How the raindrops fall upon her, trickling down her branches and trunk into the soil to be drunk by her and released again into the sky to reunite with the shape-shifter clouds that float effortlessly by.

Her leaves practise their alchemy breathing in and breathing out. Silently, unobtrusively wanting no applause or recognition she stands humbly performing her magic.

If you wait a while you will see how the buzzard comes to rest a while in the safety of her branches and look out on the majesty of creation.
You will see how the finches and sparrows come to dine on the small creatures that have made their homes in the folds and sinews of her woody bark.
The squirrels that scamper and chase along her elevated highways and the mice curled in their cosy nest in the folds where her roots meet her trunk.

When the cold days come she rests and relaxes and her leaves and energy fall,
Down, down, down into her roots that twist and turn, held as they are, embraced in the cool darkness of the sacred earth.

Can you see the tree that stands all alone on the hill?
Look a little closer, a little deeper, a little more slowly with the eyes of your heart.
And she will re-mind you that you are never really alone.

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Divine Feminine Moon

So here we are again you and I fair lady of the night.
Again you have slipped into my bed naked save for your silvery splendour.
What is it you want from me?
Why is it that you cast your full glance upon me
And insist I do not sleep but instead that I lay awake with you?
What kind of Lover are you
That you come and go from my bed as if it were yours?

Speak clearly now for you have my full attention.
My mind, body and soul are yours and I need not give permission
For you will do with them as you please.

These restless tides are yours that carry me beyond the shores of my mind,
In search of distant lands that I do not know.
On the oceans of Why and How and Perhaps you cast me adrift,
Seemingly never to reach a place where answers lie.

But, for tonight, you shall have your way with me.
And we will make strange Love again,
For I really have no choice.
Yes I will lie with you now,
And again when the time comes,
For one thing is clear:
I am yours.

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The Emotional Weather

I love walking on my hills whatever the weather. I love watching the turning of the seasons. Seeing the landscape change, as it is beginning to now, from vibrant greens to various shades of orange and brown.  As the leaves come to the end of their short life and the trees let them go, they can fall to the ground and nourish saplings of the future.

And I welcome the different weather conditions that the seasons bring. The photo was taken yesterday and the air was cool and damp and there was a greyness to everything.

It seems to me that the weather here in England is just like our emotions. You get the full spectrum! From hot and sunny with clear blue skies to wind and snow and ice and plenty of rain.

They say there is no such thing as bad weather; only inappropriate clothing!! I think the same can be said for our emotions. There are no bad emotions just a distorted perspective and a lack of understanding of their value. There really are no ‘bad’ emotions, they are all as valuable as each other it’s just that some create less comfortable sensations in our bodies. We have been taught to feel shame and guilt and to feel ‘less than’ when we feel certain emotions and so when these emotions arise our mind wants to kick in and starts giving us a hard time for having a hard time!! Self talk riddled with ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ about how we should or shouldn’t be feeling!

A great catalyst on our journey home is having the courage to feel what we need to feel. When we experience extremely uncomfortable emotions it is usually because the present incident has triggered the emotions of a similar experience from the past in which we were not able to fully express all the related feelings and sensations. Usually because we were taught to suppress or numb or distract ourselves from feeling them. Now we can choose differently.

So whenever any uncomfortable stuff arises its sometimes helpful to understand what has been triggered and remind yourself that this triggering is just an opportunity to have the courage to feel now what you were not able to feel then. In this way the fear / trauma is released from our physiology and there is more room for love and life to flow through us. Just feel the sensations in the body. Stay with it a moment longer than last time before you distract yourself and the time will come when similar incidents no longer trigger you. That is when you know the wound is healed and is now just a scar that you can wear with pride at having done the work you needed to heal.

So I walk on the hills whatever the weather and remind myself that the conditions are like emotions and it is best that I welcome them all like Rumi’s Guest House poem. They have all come to clean me out! We may as well embrace all of this human experience instead of picking and choosing the bits that are easy. Walking only when the sun is shining! We don’t tend to grow much from things being easy and comfortable all the time! When I look back, it’s the most challenging times that have given me the opportunity to make quantum leaps back home to the truth of who I truly am.

Embrace the weather, embrace our emotions, embrace all of Life with acceptance and compassion and a new peace begins to descend. Namaste

 

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