Tag - consciousness

Sacred Masculine or Scared Masculine?

The truth is, it’s a fine line!

I lived the first fifteen years of my life in fear that my step mother would assault me while I was at home and when I was at school I lived in fear that I would be teased by my peers for wearing uncool clothes or be verbally or physically attacked by the rougher kids from the other more working class estate.  After I left home I spent seven years with no fixed abode in fear of my fellow drug crazed traveller friends, the abuse of power by the police or local vigilantes.  Yes, fear was my constant companion.  It was there lurking in the shadows all the time like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, following, waiting, whispering.

Fear is a natural aspect of being human.  It is designed to keep us safe so that we alerted to danger and choose appropriate action when our safety is threatened.  But what if we are a child and there are no options that will make us safe?  Then we find ourselves in fight and flight all of the time and the flow of cortisol and stress chemicals become our default state, placing great stress on our adrenal glands and our biology so that our bodies have to try to compensate for this as best they can.  Add to this, if you are in a male body, the platitude that ‘big boys don’t cry’ so that these fear based emotions are not allowed to be processed and we have the beginnings of boys supressing and denying their feelings.  Every young boy will experience fear to varying degrees no matter how lovingly he is raised and consciously or unconsciously will absorb the information that you are ‘less than’ if you feel fear and often are actually  taught to feel shame for feeling fear when it does arise and it can’t be concealed. So we learn to give ourselves a hard time for having a hard time, we shame ourselves!

When a baby is upset or fearful it will cry and alert it’s carers that something is wrong and hopefully it will be attended to.  The emotion is expressed through the sound and through the release of tears.  When a duck has finished a skirmish with another, it will raise itself up and flap its wings to release any of the emotion created in the conflict.  Nature has designed it so that emotional energy is released as it is felt and therefore causes no lasting physical, psychological or emotional harm.

But what happens when a boy or a man’s fear is not expressed?  Then we have a whole society of boys in men’s bodies who adopt many different ways to numb or distract or to conceal their fear. This is most commonly done through addictions like overworking, alcohol, pornography, over consuming food or material things, wearing the mask of status or striving for what our dysfunctional society calls ‘success’. And sadly we leave the realms of our bodies, of our hearts, of our feelings and we retreat into our heads. We become talking heads. If our male leaders were truly in touch with their feelings they could not make the decisions that they do which they know will cause so much suffering to children, women and the planet. These are the very things that the sacred man knows he was born to protect, to raise up and honour.  But we live in a world where men are taught not to feel and we see the result of this disconnect between head and heart.

Let’s be clear that most if not all ‘negative’ or uncomfortable emotions arise from fear: shame, jealousy, guilt, anger all have fear at their root.  This is why the road to sacred masculinity is paved with fear.  To make that epic journey from the head back to the heart I have had to feel much of the fear that had been trapped in my body for decades.  Sometimes I feel fear and I don’t know what it is related to and I just have to trust that it is old energy leaving. Sometimes a situation will trigger an old memory and fear will arise that is far in excess of the current situation.

I know that this issue is not necessarily gender specific.  Women carry the same wound to a large extent.  So it is vitally important that when a man is making that courageous journey back to his heart that he is not shamed or dishonoured for whatever arises.  I have been held in the arms of men and sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably at times when I felt safe enough to allow the years of unexpressed fear to be felt and to leave.  The sacred masculine is not a hunky, tattooed, warrior who fears nothing. He is a man who dares to walk a road without a map because there is little record of this happening before on this earth in our recorded, censored and distorted ‘his’story. He is a man who keeps stepping toward what he fears regardless of how much it evokes haunted memories of past injustices or abuse or shaming that he suffered.

I feel it is no coincidence that the words sacred and scared are so similar.  To become sacred you must acknowledge your scaredness.  You must make fear your constant companion until it is time for you to go your separate ways. Perhaps that day will come or perhaps it will not.  I don’t know because for now I know that, although in much smaller ways, I still find, that I am asked to embrace and honour my fears most days. It seems the journey of becoming the best version of ourselves is never ending and letting go of fear is key to this process.

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Lesson of the Lost Lamb

I was walking the land as I do most days with my bare feet kissing, feeling, hugging the earth with each footstep.  Some steps soft and mossy, others cold and hard rock and others spikey stones and dust. Every footstep we take in life is precious.  Every journey is sacred.  Every adventure has lessons to gift us. Every experience has a different emotional landscape with which to enrich our quest to be here fully and experience the fullness of what it is to be in the realm of duality and separation so that we might find our way home to union and oneness.

As I walked, the sound of a distraught lamb disrupted the gentle background noise of the bird song.  It was bleating loudly with hardly any space between each cry and as a result it couldn’t hear its mother calling in response. I noted how humanity has become a little bit like that lamb.

We have become separated from The Mother, from the land and our connection with love, truth and source. And the more we become separated the more frantic we get with our noisy minds and busy-ness; our constant doing, in an attempt to fill the void of disconnection and longing to come home, that haunts us incessantly.  There is always the illusion of the egoic mind, that with a carrot and stick mentality, convinces us that if we can just achieve this one thing we will feel peace; if we just run that little but faster, if we get that new job, or that book deal, or do that healing course. Our minds cry out and chatter and taunt and criticise, insisting often that if we just did something better, if we tried harder, then all would be well.

But like the lost lamb perhaps sometimes the most useful thing for us to do when we find our selves in this place of lostness would be to be quiet and still and listen.  I noted that if the lamb had stopped crying out it would have been able to hear its mother calling in the distance. But its fear meant that it kept making so much noise that the guidance of its mother’s voice was inaudible. Aren’t our minds a bit like that?  They make such a noise that we can’t hear The Mother calling us.

I walk the land because when I walk I can hear, I can feel The Mother and she guides me.  My mind becomes quieter and when I physically stop and lay on the earth and allow her to hold me there is a peace that descends and I feel less separate and more connected in the great mystery of all Life.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with being lost.  On the contrary being lost can be a wonderful place to find yourself.  Like the prodigal son, sometimes we need to leave home in order to return to the father, the mother or the kingdom of heaven.  But I guess that my point is that when we stop driving ourselves relentlessly and kneeling at the altar of hard work, effort and doing all the time and honour the spaces, the stillness, the quiet, the non doing, we receive guidance from The Mother to help us find our way back to her.  We are worthy of Love.  We have nothing to prove.  Sometimes hard work arises from fear that we are not good enough just as we are.

In a way we are all lost lambs trying to find our way home.  ‘Life is so short, we must move slowly.’ Today is Sunday, as good a day as any to chill out a little! Honour the non-doing; be still and listen and you will hear that She is calling.

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The Sacred Dance of the Feminine and Masculine

There has been a lot to do recently. A never ending ‘to do’ list that phones me, messages me, emails me and arrives through my letter box.

We live in a world where the masculine energy of ‘doing’ is put on a pedestal.  Where action is revered and venerated, often on the altar of avoiding oneself.

‘Are you keeping busy?’  People ask. ‘I am doing my best not to.’ I answer.

The blind, distorted unconscious ‘doing’ is the energy of the lost masculine patriarchy.  But some doing is better than other doing!  We would do well to discern and know when our doing is just part of an addiction playing out and when it is an expression of our love, when our doing arises from the depths of our being, when we can’t not do it, when we have no choice but to put love into action.

In many ways we have done a thorough job of keeping busy in our search for love and happiness in the consuming of material stuff, entertainment, addiction and power over others; we have worked very hard inflicting suffering on each other, sentient beings and the planet.   Inside the hearts of humanity there is an insatiable poverty and longing for intimacy, connection and homecoming that can only be avoided by movement and can only be experienced by stillness, by receptivity, by surrender. This feminine energy of stillness in which expansion occurs has been denigrated and it is time for the balance to be restored.

It is time for humanity and each of us to make that epic journey from the head back home to the heart. It is time to have the courage to feel again. To feel all that was denied and supressed and to feel the joy and bliss and gratitude for this miraculous human experience of flesh and senses and emotions that we have been gifted. It is time to rest in the not knowing, in the uncertain, in the mist of confusion and deepen our faith that when the time is right the way forward shall be revealed because our minds cannot begin to comprehend what is really going on!

Yin and yang, ‘both light and shadow are the dance of life’. When there is imbalance between the masculine and feminine energy of creation there will be suffering. This imbalance is reflected in the disharmony between men and women. The mistrust, abuse, generations of pain live in all of our hearts and bodies and until this work is done there will not be peace on this earth.

It is time to unlearn everything that we were taught. The story of our world that has permeated our bodies is not the full story. We splash about in a small puddle of options unaware that that beyond the veil of doing and  busy-ness and not feeling, lies an infinite ocean of possibility accessed through presence.

The feminine, yin energy wants to be embodied inside us. Do what you need to do, but remember to value the spaces, the emptiness, the resting. Action that does not arise from the still, pure, clarity of a feeling heart may not be always be the best way to spend your precious time here in this incarnation.  Get back in flow with the cycles and flow of natur, for that is the true rhythm of life.

Make time to feel and grieve and shed your tears if that is what is needed. This is what may arise in this spacious place initially.  There is no need to do this alone, share with your brothers and sisters because they feel it too. There is no shame in lamenting that which was lost and this actually is a necessary precursor to coming home. Feeling the grief of the world means you are coming home and this feeling will be replaced by active hope. When you feel the depth of our lostness you can’t help but take action knowing that small things consistently done by many, will inevitably result in massive changes.  The results may not be seen in our human lifetime, but so what?  Do you only want happiness for your children while you are alive or do you wish them the best for all of their days?

Beneath the ocean of our collective sadness I believe there is a labyrinth of crystal caves that lead us to worlds and realities that our minds cannot begin to comprehend.

Remember to honour the spaces. This sacred dance of masculine and feminine energy, of man and woman is key to our homecoming. It is time to for union. Time to recognise fully the mutual value of yin and yang which are complimentary opposite and also present within each other.

A symphony of musical notes played by the greatest orchestra would just be a cacophony of noise if it were not for the spaces between the notes.  A note and a space, another note and another space.

Perhaps this dance of yin and yang, the divine union of the masculine and feminine is essentially the dance of Life itself?

What can we do but keep dancing our dance?  What can we be but keep being the dance?

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What If?

What if down is really up and up is really down?

What if this obsession with happiness leads to sadness?

What if technology has nothing to do with giving us freedom and is really about keeping us monitored, subservient, entertained and distracted?

What if this freedom is slavery with invisible shackles?

What if the news hides from us that which we once knew?

What if the truth is hiding in plain sight?

What if some terrorists are really freedom fighters and soldiers are really paid assassins whose destruction leads to huge government contracts for their associates to get rich from, while rebuilding that which they destroyed?

What if schools really have nothing to do with learning and education but are really all about making us obedient and compliant and that the journey to freedom is unlearning that which was imposed upon us in our tender, absorbent, childlike state?

What if children are really our teachers to show us, remind us of what is important?

What if ‘to live outside the law you must be honest’ and to live within the law you must agree to give up your sovereignty and moral compass?

What if prisons are full of people who need help, kindness and compassion and are victims of a mental disease which is the result of an uncaring, cold, insane society?

What if the police are not here for our protection and safety but to protect those who play the music of the pied piper and lead us in our blind trance like dance, closer and closer towards the cliff edge?

What if mental hospitals hide and imprison people who see glimpses of truth and the insane wear suits and carry brief cases and get rewarded for their insanity with fat pay cheques and status and power?

What if medicine and pharmaceuticals have got little or nothing to do with health?

What if priests are really our jailers whose keys and locks keep us from the truth that we are all sparks of the divine; that we need no intermediary for we are already that which we seek?

What if religion has nothing to do with god?

What if what I have been taught that I am is that which I am not?

What if tenderness, vulnerability and self-care are not really weaknesses but are selfless acts of strength and courage?

What if I am losing my memory in order to re-member everything?

What if the lies in the darkness are finally being revealed in the light of truth?

What if the end they call death is really the beginning?

What if the veil of illusion is growing thinner?

‘What if non are more hopelessly enslaved than those who believe they they are free?’

What if you are awakening from a dream and while reading these words you feel a pang of resonance deep inside your being and you don’t fall back to sleep?

What if it is time to wake up?

 

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Walking With Fear

Yes, I feel your presence my old friend, your unsought company prevails despite my requests to walk this path alone. Perhaps you know best?

For a while now you have no longer led, you no longer walk beside me but instead linger in the shadows bringing up the rear. When I glance over my shoulder I can see the echo of your icy presence, where you stood moments before as you weave your illusive dance, slinking behind tree and rock. Come out, come and join me once more.

It seemed at times, that you would always walk this road with me and that I should resign myself to your company but now we both know this is not true.  But how can I abandon you when I know you have served me so well?

When I see how you have only accentuated the light by the contrast of your heavy greyness that obscured my vision at times.  And I knew that those were the times when I would do best to halt my progress, to pause the trudge of my weary footsteps and sit a while with you.

On those long nights you insisted that I should not light a fire to warm my bones but that together we should huddle under your blanket of not knowing and shiver and tremble a little. I see the value now of your hard wisdom but now we travel through new lands. You made a poor master but you are a servant of worth. You keep me nimble, on my toes and when the night closes in you remind me to keep feeding the fire that is so welcome after so many moons without.

Yes, those endless haunted nights are now long past and the flickering, dancing flames of peace and wisdom now soothe and nurture this body. All darkness is incomplete, now that the fire of truth burns strong at my centre and I see the way ahead lit by the soft orange glow from my eyes.

And this seeing reveals the silhouette of the mountain in the distance. Yes, there is another winding ascent to walk and I invite you to join me. I know of your concern for me and your desire to keep your watchful eye on me.

You are welcome for you and I are old friends and perhaps we have this one last adventure to share.

We will climb this mountain together, come close now, there is no need to slink in the shadows any longer. Come take my hand in yours and let the glow of my loving touch warm you.  Let us walk together this stretch of the road for we both know that as we reach this summit, our time together will be at an end.

As the dawn breaks and the fullness of light returns I know that you will be scared and uneasy but know that you are safe with me and that our parting will be a blessing for you know too that our friendship has run its course, our time together is at an end and there are new beginnings that await us and you have other souls to serve.

So come now, for the Mountain of Union is inviting and daunting and I have no choice but to yield to the pull. We can share stories together as we travel to pass the time for we both know that this road has been paved with stories, rich stories of dragons and warriors and lost and found and light and dark. We will share these tales one more time for we both know that the time of duality is fast reaching its end.

Your company is welcome old friend and my destiny beckons loudly now, the call of the circling buzzard above the mountain’s crown, echoes down the valley. Let us walk in to this one last story together. Be my chaperone and see me safely to the waking of this dream.

And when we reach the summit we will go our separate ways. I will watch you as you make your solitary way back down the road until you are a speck in the distance and I will turn and look ahead to see the new peaks and adventures that will surely lay ahead.

 

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Musings of the Sacred Masculine

Apparently the human eye can only see between 430-770 THz. Our ears can only detect sound between 20 Hz – 20kHz. These ranges make up a fraction of the total light and sound frequency range. So it begs the question: what else is going on that is beyond what we can perceive with our senses?
If you need evidence consider how a dog can smell stuff we can’t smell, a black-bird can hear worms under the ground that we can’t hear, a buzzard can see a mouse on the ground that we can’t see, a dog can sense when someone is about to have a seizure, birds follow magnetic migratory highways that we can not perceive etc. etc.
Once we understand that we are massively limited by the confines of our amazing and yet limited senses we can begin to open our awareness and have a glimpse into the vast unknown magic and mystery of Life. Once we consider that what we can perceive with our tiny puddle minds is just a drop of water in the ocean of possibility and that beyond the doors of our perception lies an infinite, vast, ocean; then things begin to get really interesting and everything becomes possible.
Live from this place. Live from this possibility and allow the possibility to permeate deeply into the centre of your being. It helps to relax our grip on what we perceive as reality. The ego wants to know, it needs to be sure of stuff so our egoic minds insist that we must know, things must be definite. Let go of the need to know and the ego looses it’s grip. Transcend the mind. Allow yourself to be confused and in the not knowing. It’s such a beautiful place to be when we surrender the need to have it all worked out. Drop into The Mystery.

Create your stories that help give meaning and purpose to your life but be open to the possibility that they are just stories and that we can write and create and imagine new stories whenever we like. Ask yourself what other magic is possible?
Maybe we don’t need to understand anything but just drop deeper into the heart and feel our way one breath at a time, deeper and deeper into the beauty, the love, the craziness, the pain, the sacredness of this fleeting human experience. 
May your day be full of honest confusion and a sweet lack of understanding!!
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