Tag - consciousness

The Kiss of Awakening

I remember my first proper kiss with my Beloved.  I was distinctly surprised by the passion, intensity and power of the kiss, as until that moment she had seemed quite shy and reserved.  It was a beautiful moment and the power of a kiss is something that has stayed with me.

On one of my many walks on the land I recently remembered the fairy story of Sleeping Beauty and how she is awakened by a kiss from the prince. I was immediately struck that it seemed to be the other way round in my experience and that there was something so magical and powerful about the kiss that I experienced from woman that it gave me the courage to undergo the next challenging part of my own awakening.  To all intents and purposes I was still asleep as I had not yet faced the dragon of old emotional pain that lay waiting for me in the darkest cave of my own deep mother wound. The kisses from my Beloved and our adventures in sacred sexuality was a great motivator to stay the course when things got really challenging!

Looking at things from more of a macro perspective it does seem that in this path of ascension or awakening that it is woman who leads the way.  There are many more women who are immersed in the field of spiritual growth than men and this seems to be connected to some extent by the fact that women are more in their bodies than men.  Giving birth, periods and their connection with Mother Earth the Great Creator Goddess is key in this.  Most of us now know that the we must fully embody our humanity if we are to enter the realms of the 5th dimension or the New Earth in which Love becomes the primary energy as opposed to fear but men often struggle with this.

Men have grown up with the programming that ‘big boys don’t cry’ and have been conditioned to avoid, suppress and numb out any feelings that have been labelled as demonstrating weakness or revealing that they are anything but fully in their strength and power. This seems to be the unconscious message of patriarchy in a disastrous attempt to maintain ‘power over’ and pretend that ‘it’s all okay, everything is under control’ while the planet and sentient beings suffer. Of course women have suffered the craziness of denying emotions too but not to the extent that men have and this is one of the reasons why in the United Kingdom alone 16 men commit suicide every day.

But the reality is that the energy of the Sacred Man is rising. If it is rising in me it is happening in others and recent encounters and feedback from my community of conscious brothers and sisters echoes this. How do we catalyse this further awakening amongst men? One thing for sure is that it is not always helpful for women to keep asking where are all the conscious men? My answer to this is always the same:

Your beliefs will determine your reality.  If you believe there are few conscious men that is what your experience will be. Don’t sit around waiting for them to show up or complaining when the ‘wrong’ man arrives because whoever is there. In front of you, will to some extent, be a mirror reflection of your own inner masculine energy. Focus on healing your own inner masculine because the wounds that patriarchy has inflicted stretch back through many generations and run deep in men and women and there is much work to be done to create the New Earth and merge in the yin yang union of divine masculine and feminine so that we can re-member that we are One. We are Life itself having a human, virtual reality, duality experience. Don’t all the great teachers and mystics say that we experience duality to know Oneness!?  Instead of men and women berating each other why don’t we ask ourselves the question:

What can I do to help and serve my brothers or my sisters?

A safe bet is always: Do your inner work!

Society encourages us to look outside to find peace and happiness but transformation and healing is essentially always an inside job. Others and tools may help but it is us who have to learn to fall in love with ourselves and to do this we must face and banish all that is not love from within.

Let’s not get too hung up on gender and swing the pendulum from patriarchal abuse of power to man bashing and a whole new wave of spiritual bypass feminism.  The crimes against women by man for hundreds of years have been an abomination and so much of this continues right now and although we would do well to alleviate the immediate suffering, the long term solution, the roots of healing the craziness of disharmony between man and woman lies in deepening our own sacred practices and alchemising the divine twin flame union within each of us.

In this life time we are either in a male or female body but let’s not get too fixated about this.  I wonder how many lifetimes I have experienced as a woman? I just happen to be in male body this time but I know that beneath this façade of gender I am genderless.  Beneath the ideas of God or Goddess The Creator, The Great mystery or consciousness is genderless. We are all in this together and now is the time for the laying down of weapons. The time for unity, union, balance and harmony. It sounds very likely that patriarchy hijacked the sleeping beauty story and that its origins actually lie in the Babylonian myth of the Goddess Innana who ventured into the underworld to kiss awake her lover Tammuz. And this myth seems to be happening right now again. We are all living this myth but note that the myth says that Innana kissed Tammuz and he awoke, not that she kicked him and he awoke!!

The kiss of a lover is a powerful and magical act as I know from my own experience.  Let’s facilitate lots of inner kissing of our divine masculine and feminine principles and let’s see how this shows up in the world.  I believe passionate, loving kisses between men and women and women and women and men and men would be a good thing. It doesn’t really bother me who is kissing who. Let’s just focus on kissing ourselves and each other awake.

Love and kisses. Namaste…

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Bring Him Home – A Twin Flame Love Story

Sometimes you realise that there is something that you need to do or say that you can’t not do!   As soon as the idea arrived to write the story about my transformative twin flame experience I knew that I had to do it. I knew that I had a deep and rich story to share that might touch hearts.  I also felt that by sharing my story there was the potential to help people realise that we are, to a large extent, all living different versions of the same story.  What I mean by this is that we all appear to be subject to the same textures, colours and emotions of this diverse human landscape, they are all experienced in varying degrees and evoked by different scenarios and scripts that are perfectly in alignment for the highest evolution of our souls.

I have learnt that vulnerability is a super power and by sharing the stories of my life it helps me to embrace and honor all the different aspects of who I truly am. At the same time it gives others the permission to relax into imperfection and be okay with sometimes feeling sad, broken, lost and confused too. Societal norms suggest that we keep our shortcomings or weaknesses to ourselves but when we share our challenges everyone breathes a sigh of relief in the confirmation that it is not just them that struggles, gets things wrong and falls down at times. Self-acceptance is perhaps one of the most important qualities to put in our back-pack of tools and resources for the journey back home to self-actualization and union.

They say that relationship is the highest form of yoga and as I wrote I began to see that I wanted to share my experience that evidenced that this approach to relationship is true; that the deepest purpose behind intimate relationship is to know, honour, heal and love ourselves in order to actualize the twin flame divine union within.

As my profound transformation began to settle inside me a new clarity emerged as I wrote and I began to see clearly that this story had other value too. I saw that there was the potential for the healing energy transmission woven into the fabric of the book, to have the power to go beyond our personal stories and to permeate into the very essence of the sacred story of humanity. I speak of the big story which sees the end of duality, conflict and separation to the return of peace, harmony, union and Oneness.

I believe that my little story (as are all of our stories) is a microcosm of what is awakening all over the planet: men and women are beginning to lay down their weapons and come together with compassion and understanding to each do his or her own work in order to heal generations of separation and mistrust.

And as artists we play a significant role in this paradigm shift, in this re-LOVE-ution! In many ways the artist is a modern shaman because through music, art, words etc. he / she is able to bring information and wisdom from beyond the veil into consciousness and enable people to see and experience, that which previously was not visible. Once things are brought into the light of awareness the magic can begin to do its work and in this way to write, to spell words is a form of magic, to write from the heart, from a place of clear, loving intention is a medium for casting a powerful spell!

As Rumi the Sufi mystic poet wrote: ‘there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.’ I increasingly saw that my gift and ability to write was my way to kneel and kiss the ground.

So the more I relaxed into the alchemy and magic of creating this book, the more deeply my intention became clear that this story would be a healing catalyst to help bring about the divine union of man and woman.

This path of sacred union is the place that life has guided me to explore, as a result of wounds (or gifts) that I received when I was very young.  The culmination of my beautiful and at times painful relationship experiences, find their expression within the pages of this book.  I decided that not only would these pages be a prayer of gratitude for the sacredness of union with another human being but they would also be an offering, some possible guidance and inspiration for others doing their best to navigate this often challenging and yet highly rewarding terrain. It’s not that I claim to be an expert in realtionships (the following pages are testament to this) or that I have all the answers. On the contrary, I am not interested in telling the reader what to do or how to feel, rather, my aim is to show the reader how I felt in my experience, so that they may learn from it and utilize the lessons in their lives.

It seems that the divine twin flame union within each human and the sacred union of man and woman is a foundational shift that is beginning to take place on this planet.  If we are to create a more beautiful, peaceful and loving world for our children and the generations to come we need to learn what union and Love really is and part of this journey of remembering what love is, is discovering what it is not.

In many ways I see my life as a book that I am working on. I keep scribbling and writing, keeping some bits and discarding others that don’t fit or belong anymore. I have come to the point in my life where I have rearranged lines, pages, paragraphs and chapters so that now I am beginning to understand the story of my life and what it was all about. This life editing process is the culmination of what I share with you in the pages of this book and that the conclusion is that it’s all about love. We just have to have the courage and determination to set out on this incredible journey of discovery to experience for ourselves what love really is!

May this book shine a little light to illuminate your path back home.

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The Time of Balance

The union of the twin flame divine masculine and feminine energies is NOW!

We are in eclipse season. The sun, the moon, the earth, light and shadow are all moving and merging in their cosmic dance and that dance is taking place within each and every one of us. The universe is inside us and we are inside the universe. Look at the word closely – the truth is often hidden in plane sight!
The Uni – Verse ~ Uni means One and Verse is the regular rhythm of a poem or song. The Universe is one song, one poem one dance with no separation. All is One and it is only the limitation of our senses that perceives separation. We live a paradox of separation and Oneness. That is why we came here into this awesome, miraculous diverse field of existence – to know both. By knowing, experiencing duality we can know One ness and the Universal dance that we are part of, that is in essence who we are.
This dance of the masculine and feminine is an integral part of this universal dance. It is what lies beneath, at the centre of everything, of All. The masculine consciousness and the feminine manifestation of life, the emergence into being, pure creativity birthing constantly. These are not gender bound but we take this male and female form to bring the play of the dance into form.
The feminine was lost, was hidden for many years and only the masculine energy was worshipped and so everything went out of balance. Without balance there can be no realisation of the truth of who and what we truly are. This feminine energy is rising and being realigned in men and women and the same for the masculine energy.
The balance is being restored and the disharmony between the masculine and feminine energy is over. We facilitate this return to unity in our hearts, in our bodies. As we remember to remind our inner child that he/ she is now safe and loved we can return to our divine sovereignty as man and woman living from our true essence of love, truth, compassion and knowing that we are all interconnected. That we are all One and as we do to another or the earth, we do unto ourselves.
The lover you seek, the peace you seek is inside you. Everything is inside you. Do not be distracted by the false promises of the lost societies that we are immersed in. Choose to immerse yourself in the inner kingdom, in the arms of Gaia and you will come home to yourself. It’s a wild and windy and rocky road at times but remember that the journey IS the destination. You are more powerful than you have been led to believe.
Allow the past, the old timelines to fall away. Do not fall prey to fear, to the old stories of your mind, turn down the volume of its dialogue that is like an over anxious parent wanting you to stay in the known. Have the courage to step into the unknown for it is there that treasure awaits you. Allow yourself to open to the possibility of peace and love and being Home Right Now.

I AM Safe. I AM Peace. I AM Home. I AM.

Now is the time of Balance. The Uni-Verse is conspiring to make this as easy as possible. Will you join the dance? Will you surrender to the music? Are you ready to come Home?

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Healing The Wounded Inner Child

‘The foundations of toxic masculinity are built on the crushed heart of the inner child.’ Jason MacKenzie

When man and woman come together if there is any wounding that remains from childhood the inner child will soon let you know about it!!

I thought that my inner child was feeling pretty safe and content but he was not and he wreaked havoc with emotional tantrum after emotional tantrum as my beloved and I tried to come close. All this was fear based. I don’t believe it was particularly toxic because I have a high level of self awareness but I concur totally with MacKenzie’s words, because without self awareness the wound will be projected into the world and blame will be cast upon the partner when there is little or no clarity and understanding and one fails to take responsibility.

Inside each of us there is a little boy and little girl. Just when I think that my inner child is at peace something else comes up for me to see and clear. Something from the deep arises when your childhood was a patchwork of trauma.
This has been happening of late and has triggered a recurring of physical symptoms that I suffered when I was a boy. The body brings my awareness to letting go of another old story, another old timeline to be dissolved with love and tenderness and vigilance. Letting go, letting go…surrendering; surrendering deeper and deeper. Softening more and more. Less external and therefore internal judgement. It is time for peace, for good health.
I bless the current situation that triggered the old wound that needed to be seen so that the light of consciousness could shine it’s light upon it, so that it may be released with love and compassion and forgiveness for all involved.
Yes, maybe the treatment we suffered was inexcusable but now it is time to find peace. Now is a new day, a new moment a new present is gifted.
Travel slow and listen to Life’s whispers because She will show you all that needs to fall away to reveal the Love and Light that you truly are.
Go gently.
When the inner child of a man and woman meet in peace and harmony and joy, then there will be a dance to behold unlike anything you could have imagined. Then divine union becomes inevitable.

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The Broken Drum

I am a broken drum that was neglected for a while.

You might not know that I was broken but I am.

One day I fell and now my wood is cracked.

I thought that I was not worthy of being played because I was damaged and imperfect and my shame kept me silent.

But I discovered by chance that if my skin is warmed and I am given a little love my beat still travels and enters the places where it is needed.

My song is launched into the eternity of space and bounces like a cosmic pinball off distant stars and planets.

And sometimes the human wound is the place where I enter as my low, gentle sound permeates and weaves its way deeply in.

My imperfect vibration hums home and sets the particles of being to dance and realign and clear.

For there is always clearing to be done in this earth realm, there is always space for one more sacred song to be sung by a broken drum.

Always a deeper layer as round and round life’s spiral dance whirls.

I am a broken drum who sometimes feels shame for his brokenness.

I feel it fully and surrender knowing that it was not my fault that I fell from the wall where I was hung.

The present is my home now and though I may fall again, I shall rise again too, like the wooden beater as it strikes the skin, stretched tight over my broken wooden frame.

I am a broken drum and I fell and my wood is cracked.

And yet still my heart song plays on.

 

 

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Sacred Masculine or Scared Masculine?

The truth is, it’s a fine line!

I lived the first fifteen years of my life in fear that my step mother would assault me while I was at home and when I was at school I lived in fear that I would be teased by my peers for wearing uncool clothes or be verbally or physically attacked by the rougher kids from the other more working class estate.  After I left home I spent seven years with no fixed abode in fear of my fellow drug crazed traveller friends, the abuse of power by the police or local vigilantes.  Yes, fear was my constant companion.  It was there lurking in the shadows all the time like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, following, waiting, whispering.

Fear is a natural aspect of being human.  It is designed to keep us safe so that we alerted to danger and choose appropriate action when our safety is threatened.  But what if we are a child and there are no options that will make us safe?  Then we find ourselves in fight and flight all of the time and the flow of cortisol and stress chemicals become our default state, placing great stress on our adrenal glands and our biology so that our bodies have to try to compensate for this as best they can.  Add to this, if you are in a male body, the platitude that ‘big boys don’t cry’ so that these fear based emotions are not allowed to be processed and we have the beginnings of boys supressing and denying their feelings.  Every young boy will experience fear to varying degrees no matter how lovingly he is raised and consciously or unconsciously will absorb the information that you are ‘less than’ if you feel fear and often are actually  taught to feel shame for feeling fear when it does arise and it can’t be concealed. So we learn to give ourselves a hard time for having a hard time, we shame ourselves!

When a baby is upset or fearful it will cry and alert it’s carers that something is wrong and hopefully it will be attended to.  The emotion is expressed through the sound and through the release of tears.  When a duck has finished a skirmish with another, it will raise itself up and flap its wings to release any of the emotion created in the conflict.  Nature has designed it so that emotional energy is released as it is felt and therefore causes no lasting physical, psychological or emotional harm.

But what happens when a boy or a man’s fear is not expressed?  Then we have a whole society of boys in men’s bodies who adopt many different ways to numb or distract or to conceal their fear. This is most commonly done through addictions like overworking, alcohol, pornography, over consuming food or material things, wearing the mask of status or striving for what our dysfunctional society calls ‘success’. And sadly we leave the realms of our bodies, of our hearts, of our feelings and we retreat into our heads. We become talking heads. If our male leaders were truly in touch with their feelings they could not make the decisions that they do which they know will cause so much suffering to children, women and the planet. These are the very things that the sacred man knows he was born to protect, to raise up and honour.  But we live in a world where men are taught not to feel and we see the result of this disconnect between head and heart.

Let’s be clear that most if not all ‘negative’ or uncomfortable emotions arise from fear: shame, jealousy, guilt, anger all have fear at their root.  This is why the road to sacred masculinity is paved with fear.  To make that epic journey from the head back to the heart I have had to feel much of the fear that had been trapped in my body for decades.  Sometimes I feel fear and I don’t know what it is related to and I just have to trust that it is old energy leaving. Sometimes a situation will trigger an old memory and fear will arise that is far in excess of the current situation.

I know that this issue is not necessarily gender specific.  Women carry the same wound to a large extent.  So it is vitally important that when a man is making that courageous journey back to his heart that he is not shamed or dishonoured for whatever arises.  I have been held in the arms of men and sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably at times when I felt safe enough to allow the years of unexpressed fear to be felt and to leave.  The sacred masculine is not a hunky, tattooed, warrior who fears nothing. He is a man who dares to walk a road without a map because there is little record of this happening before on this earth in our recorded, censored and distorted ‘his’story. He is a man who keeps stepping toward what he fears regardless of how much it evokes haunted memories of past injustices or abuse or shaming that he suffered.

I feel it is no coincidence that the words sacred and scared are so similar.  To become sacred you must acknowledge your scaredness.  You must make fear your constant companion until it is time for you to go your separate ways. Perhaps that day will come or perhaps it will not.  I don’t know because for now I know that, although in much smaller ways, I still find, that I am asked to embrace and honour my fears most days. It seems the journey of becoming the best version of ourselves is never ending and letting go of fear is key to this process.

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