Sacred Masculine

Sacred Masculine or Scared Masculine?

The truth is, it’s a fine line!

I lived the first fifteen years of my life in fear that my step mother would assault me while I was at home and when I was at school I lived in fear that I would be teased by my peers for wearing uncool clothes or be verbally or physically attacked by the rougher kids from the other more working class estate.  After I left home I spent seven years with no fixed abode in fear of my fellow drug crazed traveller friends, the abuse of power by the police or local vigilantes.  Yes, fear was my constant companion.  It was there lurking in the shadows all the time like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, following, waiting, whispering.

Fear is a natural aspect of being human.  It is designed to keep us safe so that we alerted to danger and choose appropriate action when our safety is threatened.  But what if we are a child and there are no options that will make us safe?  Then we find ourselves in fight and flight all of the time and the flow of cortisol and stress chemicals become our default state, placing great stress on our adrenal glands and our biology so that our bodies have to try to compensate for this as best they can.  Add to this, if you are in a male body, the platitude that ‘big boys don’t cry’ so that these fear based emotions are not allowed to be processed and we have the beginnings of boys supressing and denying their feelings.  Every young boy will experience fear to varying degrees no matter how lovingly he is raised and consciously or unconsciously will absorb the information that you are ‘less than’ if you feel fear and often are actually  taught to feel shame for feeling fear when it does arise and it can’t be concealed. So we learn to give ourselves a hard time for having a hard time, we shame ourselves!

When a baby is upset or fearful it will cry and alert it’s carers that something is wrong and hopefully it will be attended to.  The emotion is expressed through the sound and through the release of tears.  When a duck has finished a skirmish with another, it will raise itself up and flap its wings to release any of the emotion created in the conflict.  Nature has designed it so that emotional energy is released as it is felt and therefore causes no lasting physical, psychological or emotional harm.

But what happens when a boy or a man’s fear is not expressed?  Then we have a whole society of boys in men’s bodies who adopt many different ways to numb or distract or to conceal their fear. This is most commonly done through addictions like overworking, alcohol, pornography, over consuming food or material things, wearing the mask of status or striving for what our dysfunctional society calls ‘success’. And sadly we leave the realms of our bodies, of our hearts, of our feelings and we retreat into our heads. We become talking heads. If our male leaders were truly in touch with their feelings they could not make the decisions that they do which they know will cause so much suffering to children, women and the planet. These are the very things that the sacred man knows he was born to protect, to raise up and honour.  But we live in a world where men are taught not to feel and we see the result of this disconnect between head and heart.

Let’s be clear that most if not all ‘negative’ or uncomfortable emotions arise from fear: shame, jealousy, guilt, anger all have fear at their root.  This is why the road to sacred masculinity is paved with fear.  To make that epic journey from the head back to the heart I have had to feel much of the fear that had been trapped in my body for decades.  Sometimes I feel fear and I don’t know what it is related to and I just have to trust that it is old energy leaving. Sometimes a situation will trigger an old memory and fear will arise that is far in excess of the current situation.

I know that this issue is not necessarily gender specific.  Women carry the same wound to a large extent.  So it is vitally important that when a man is making that courageous journey back to his heart that he is not shamed or dishonoured for whatever arises.  I have been held in the arms of men and sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably at times when I felt safe enough to allow the years of unexpressed fear to be felt and to leave.  The sacred masculine is not a hunky, tattooed, warrior who fears nothing. He is a man who dares to walk a road without a map because there is little record of this happening before on this earth in our recorded, censored and distorted ‘his’story. He is a man who keeps stepping toward what he fears regardless of how much it evokes haunted memories of past injustices or abuse or shaming that he suffered.

I feel it is no coincidence that the words sacred and scared are so similar.  To become sacred you must acknowledge your scaredness.  You must make fear your constant companion until it is time for you to go your separate ways. Perhaps that day will come or perhaps it will not.  I don’t know because for now I know that, although in much smaller ways, I still find, that I am asked to embrace and honour my fears most days. It seems the journey of becoming the best version of ourselves is never ending and letting go of fear is key to this process.

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Time To Shine

As we draw closer and closer to midsummer Solstice when the sun is at its zenith I am reminded that now is a good time to shine. Now is a time of action, a time when right action that arises from a place of love, from deep within and through, is being asked of us. We are asked to stop playing small and to step up into and be the light, to speak and be our truth so that we might illuminate the way for others who are stirring from their slumber and are ready and willing to do their work, to go to the dark places within to transform their shadows into the light.

As I drop deeper and deeper into the cycles of Mother nature the rhythm of my life becomes the rhythm of Life itself. The past winter months invited me into the depths of the fecund earth within and there was a deep cleansing and sifting and excavating that was done. From this work of the sacred masculine, arose a rich array of poems and prose pieces, the uncut diamonds dug from the deep that I polished and honed until I was ready for them to see the light of day.  And the best gift of this labour is an increasing sense of peace and knowing that I am comfortable and at home in this human skin…for now!

And as the spring months crept in to reveal the birthing of nature’s bounty all around, the momentum of my doing began also to increase.  At the bequest of forces beyond me I was beckoned to up my game and step more fully into the arena of service and contribution.  At first there was a sense of overwhelm and the familiar voice of my inner critic moaned and complained and protested; but when we know that we cannot not do what Life is asking of us we push through the challenging terrain of not knowing and uncertainty, checking in regularly with our honed discernment that our doing has not become another subtle form of self avoidance.   With our internal compass of integrity and self care we put one foot in front of the other as we make this new unique path over virgin ground so that others may follow if they choose.

In the midst of our doing we remember to stop and honour the wisdom of balance and we take stock of our journey, looking back down the path with gratitude for every challenge and obstacle that barred our way temporarily so that we would realise the fullness of our determination, our power and our sense that this path is the one we were destined to travel.

Now is a good time to shine and we know that the brighter the light shines the clearer the shadows become.  Not everyone will welcome our brightness as our beams may illuminate aspects of themselves that they had invested much time and energy in burying! As Marianne Williamson once said: ‘If when you speak, all you are getting is applause, then you are probably not saying the right things.’  Not everyone is comfortable with bright light and over anxious egos will insist that their way is the only ‘right’ way.  And still we keep on shining.  When the wind blows, the fire’s flame may be temporarily diminished but we have a choice to let our light be extinguished or whether this wind will fan our flames to remind us that our light emanates from a glowing ember of love that cannot easily be extinguished. We are reminded that all our lives have been preparing us to do this shining work.  The taunts of ‘Who me?’ and ‘Who do you think you are?’ are welcome companions to ensure our humility and authenticity but they no longer dim our light.

As we make our way towards Summer Solstice I deepen the embrace of  this doing and I know that the darker seasons of autumn and winter will soon enough be with me to go within and mine more treasures to be shared with my tribe. But for now it is a time of celebration and joyous work and coming together and dancing and singing and being alive together under the vastness of the sky on this sacred garden planet. Summer storms and rain will inevitably come and go. But right now, this very moment close your eyes with me, as Life breathes you in and breathes you out, remember, feel it, and know, that now is a good time to shine…

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Lesson of the Lost Lamb

I was walking the land as I do most days with my bare feet kissing, feeling, hugging the earth with each footstep.  Some steps soft and mossy, others cold and hard rock and others spikey stones and dust. Every footstep we take in life is precious.  Every journey is sacred.  Every adventure has lessons to gift us. Every experience has a different emotional landscape with which to enrich our quest to be here fully and experience the fullness of what it is to be in the realm of duality and separation so that we might find our way home to union and oneness.

As I walked, the sound of a distraught lamb disrupted the gentle background noise of the bird song.  It was bleating loudly with hardly any space between each cry and as a result it couldn’t hear its mother calling in response. I noted how humanity has become a little bit like that lamb.

We have become separated from The Mother, from the land and our connection with love, truth and source. And the more we become separated the more frantic we get with our noisy minds and busy-ness; our constant doing, in an attempt to fill the void of disconnection and longing to come home, that haunts us incessantly.  There is always the illusion of the egoic mind, that with a carrot and stick mentality, convinces us that if we can just achieve this one thing we will feel peace; if we just run that little but faster, if we get that new job, or that book deal, or do that healing course. Our minds cry out and chatter and taunt and criticise, insisting often that if we just did something better, if we tried harder, then all would be well.

But like the lost lamb perhaps sometimes the most useful thing for us to do when we find our selves in this place of lostness would be to be quiet and still and listen.  I noted that if the lamb had stopped crying out it would have been able to hear its mother calling in the distance. But its fear meant that it kept making so much noise that the guidance of its mother’s voice was inaudible. Aren’t our minds a bit like that?  They make such a noise that we can’t hear The Mother calling us.

I walk the land because when I walk I can hear, I can feel The Mother and she guides me.  My mind becomes quieter and when I physically stop and lay on the earth and allow her to hold me there is a peace that descends and I feel less separate and more connected in the great mystery of all Life.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with being lost.  On the contrary being lost can be a wonderful place to find yourself.  Like the prodigal son, sometimes we need to leave home in order to return to the father, the mother or the kingdom of heaven.  But I guess that my point is that when we stop driving ourselves relentlessly and kneeling at the altar of hard work, effort and doing all the time and honour the spaces, the stillness, the quiet, the non doing, we receive guidance from The Mother to help us find our way back to her.  We are worthy of Love.  We have nothing to prove.  Sometimes hard work arises from fear that we are not good enough just as we are.

In a way we are all lost lambs trying to find our way home.  ‘Life is so short, we must move slowly.’ Today is Sunday, as good a day as any to chill out a little! Honour the non-doing; be still and listen and you will hear that She is calling.

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The Sacred Dance of the Feminine and Masculine

There has been a lot to do recently. A never ending ‘to do’ list that phones me, messages me, emails me and arrives through my letter box.

We live in a world where the masculine energy of ‘doing’ is put on a pedestal.  Where action is revered and venerated, often on the altar of avoiding oneself.

‘Are you keeping busy?’  People ask. ‘I am doing my best not to.’ I answer.

The blind, distorted unconscious ‘doing’ is the energy of the lost masculine patriarchy.  But some doing is better than other doing!  We would do well to discern and know when our doing is just part of an addiction playing out and when it is an expression of our love, when our doing arises from the depths of our being, when we can’t not do it, when we have no choice but to put love into action.

In many ways we have done a thorough job of keeping busy in our search for love and happiness in the consuming of material stuff, entertainment, addiction and power over others; we have worked very hard inflicting suffering on each other, sentient beings and the planet.   Inside the hearts of humanity there is an insatiable poverty and longing for intimacy, connection and homecoming that can only be avoided by movement and can only be experienced by stillness, by receptivity, by surrender. This feminine energy of stillness in which expansion occurs has been denigrated and it is time for the balance to be restored.

It is time for humanity and each of us to make that epic journey from the head back home to the heart. It is time to have the courage to feel again. To feel all that was denied and supressed and to feel the joy and bliss and gratitude for this miraculous human experience of flesh and senses and emotions that we have been gifted. It is time to rest in the not knowing, in the uncertain, in the mist of confusion and deepen our faith that when the time is right the way forward shall be revealed because our minds cannot begin to comprehend what is really going on!

Yin and yang, ‘both light and shadow are the dance of life’. When there is imbalance between the masculine and feminine energy of creation there will be suffering. This imbalance is reflected in the disharmony between men and women. The mistrust, abuse, generations of pain live in all of our hearts and bodies and until this work is done there will not be peace on this earth.

It is time to unlearn everything that we were taught. The story of our world that has permeated our bodies is not the full story. We splash about in a small puddle of options unaware that that beyond the veil of doing and  busy-ness and not feeling, lies an infinite ocean of possibility accessed through presence.

The feminine, yin energy wants to be embodied inside us. Do what you need to do, but remember to value the spaces, the emptiness, the resting. Action that does not arise from the still, pure, clarity of a feeling heart may not be always be the best way to spend your precious time here in this incarnation.  Get back in flow with the cycles and flow of natur, for that is the true rhythm of life.

Make time to feel and grieve and shed your tears if that is what is needed. This is what may arise in this spacious place initially.  There is no need to do this alone, share with your brothers and sisters because they feel it too. There is no shame in lamenting that which was lost and this actually is a necessary precursor to coming home. Feeling the grief of the world means you are coming home and this feeling will be replaced by active hope. When you feel the depth of our lostness you can’t help but take action knowing that small things consistently done by many, will inevitably result in massive changes.  The results may not be seen in our human lifetime, but so what?  Do you only want happiness for your children while you are alive or do you wish them the best for all of their days?

Beneath the ocean of our collective sadness I believe there is a labyrinth of crystal caves that lead us to worlds and realities that our minds cannot begin to comprehend.

Remember to honour the spaces. This sacred dance of masculine and feminine energy, of man and woman is key to our homecoming. It is time to for union. Time to recognise fully the mutual value of yin and yang which are complimentary opposite and also present within each other.

A symphony of musical notes played by the greatest orchestra would just be a cacophony of noise if it were not for the spaces between the notes.  A note and a space, another note and another space.

Perhaps this dance of yin and yang, the divine union of the masculine and feminine is essentially the dance of Life itself?

What can we do but keep dancing our dance?  What can we be but keep being the dance?

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What If?

What if down is really up and up is really down?

What if this obsession with happiness leads to sadness?

What if technology has nothing to do with giving us freedom and is really about keeping us monitored, subservient, entertained and distracted?

What if this freedom is slavery with invisible shackles?

What if the news hides from us that which we once knew?

What if the truth is hiding in plain sight?

What if some terrorists are really freedom fighters and soldiers are really paid assassins whose destruction leads to huge government contracts for their associates to get rich from, while rebuilding that which they destroyed?

What if schools really have nothing to do with learning and education but are really all about making us obedient and compliant and that the journey to freedom is unlearning that which was imposed upon us in our tender, absorbent, childlike state?

What if children are really our teachers to show us, remind us of what is important?

What if ‘to live outside the law you must be honest’ and to live within the law you must agree to give up your sovereignty and moral compass?

What if prisons are full of people who need help, kindness and compassion and are victims of a mental disease which is the result of an uncaring, cold, insane society?

What if the police are not here for our protection and safety but to protect those who play the music of the pied piper and lead us in our blind trance like dance, closer and closer towards the cliff edge?

What if mental hospitals hide and imprison people who see glimpses of truth and the insane wear suits and carry brief cases and get rewarded for their insanity with fat pay cheques and status and power?

What if medicine and pharmaceuticals have got little or nothing to do with health?

What if priests are really our jailers whose keys and locks keep us from the truth that we are all sparks of the divine; that we need no intermediary for we are already that which we seek?

What if religion has nothing to do with god?

What if what I have been taught that I am is that which I am not?

What if tenderness, vulnerability and self-care are not really weaknesses but are selfless acts of strength and courage?

What if I am losing my memory in order to re-member everything?

What if the lies in the darkness are finally being revealed in the light of truth?

What if the end they call death is really the beginning?

What if the veil of illusion is growing thinner?

‘What if non are more hopelessly enslaved than those who believe they they are free?’

What if you are awakening from a dream and while reading these words you feel a pang of resonance deep inside your being and you don’t fall back to sleep?

What if it is time to wake up?

 

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Yesterday I Fell…

…the challenges had been coming too quick and fast and I didn’t have enough time to regroup and centre myself. I forgot about me and tried to carry too much.  The fear touched some tender scars and the discomfort in my body clouded my vision and I lost sight of who I really am. My little boy got scared and the man was a little too hard on him.

Yesterday I fell, I held space for those who I was responsible for as best as I could and gave my best knowing that it was good enough. In the giving I received and I was reminded of my worth. It needed to be a gentle day. Everything that was not immediately necessary was put on hold while I rested in my falling, while I viewed everything from my new vantage point in the corner of my world with my arms hugging my tucked up knees and my head bowed.  I rocked myself gently.

Yesterday I fell and yet my friend phoned asking if now was a good time to call. And I replied that the timing was perfect and I gave thanks for the beauty of friends and connection and I spoke my truth from a tender vulnerable place inside me. And I missed him when he was gone.

Yesterday I fell and still I moved around the grey alien landscape of the supermarket buying groceries that would be needed for the imminent arrival of my son so that there would be wholesome sustenance for both of us. I moved around the distant world getting stuff done and the shapes of people were unaware that I had fallen.

Yesterday I fell and still my soul heard the call and my heavy legs walked the sanctuary of my hills, plodding my way up to the summit and turning to face the sun that appeared momentarily from behind the thick, mottled clouds. I lay and allowed my body to be held by the earth and I breathed it all in and breathed it all out allowing the sun’s rays into my wide open mouth and then gulped and swallowed lungs full of sunshine into me.

Yesterday I fell and so I took myself to bed early and snuggled myself under the comfort of my warm soft covers and felt my fallen-ness. I felt the heavy sensations in my tired body and with my mind I caressed my weariness.

Yesterday I fell and today I awake to the sound of rain outside my open window. The clouds have broken and let fall their cleansing drops and the air feels fresher and lighter again. There was not a spectacular sunrise to be seen today but never the less a new day has dawned.  My tender heart reminds me to go gently for today I rise again. Today is a new day and today I rise and I am at peace knowing that ‘all is well and all manner of things shall be well,’ in spite of the fact and partly because…yesterday I fell.

 

 

 

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