The Lover you Seek is Inside YouMiguel Dean
The world teaches us to acquire, accumulate and strive for love, peace and happiness externally. The next job, the next holiday, the next healing technique; the next partner promises to be the one that will brings us peace, happiness and contentment.
The truth is that everything we seek is an attempt to feel union, oneness and a direct experience of what it feels like to be loved. We have arrived from beyond the veil of formlessness and Oneness and arrived in this dimension of form and duality. We are here to experience the illusion of separation and aloneness with the opportunity to transcend duality and realise our oneness while still in human form, to merge and live the paradox of human and god-self. Everything that we experience is an attempt by Love to guide us back to this truth and our true nature. And yet while we are still transfixed by the external world and seek our salvation externally we remain caught in the illusion that birth and death are the beginning and end and that we are just killing time until the end claims us. The end of suffering can only be realised when we cease to focus our energy, attention, awareness on the outer world and reality. Everything achieved externally is transient and temporary. What goes up must come down, joy will follow sadness and sadness will follow joy while we exist in this world of duality but we end suffering when we relinquish our attachment to this temporal dance.
There is no clearer example of our futile attempts to find happiness than in our pursuit of another human to complete and love us. Of course our relationships with others are of paramount importance in relation to the quality of our lives but in this crazy world we have been taught to put the cart before the horse. When we operate like this we can be assured that we will travel nowhere fast, or at best we will travel round in slow laboured circles. Each lover we attract will reflect to us that which is not love within us and until we take responsibility for this and stop blaming the other for our unhappiness we remain prisoners of our egoic minds which are largely the expression of our still wounded and traumatised inner child.
Instead of focusing so much energy on the relationship with our partner or potential partner, what if we stop leaking all that energy and looked within and gave this energy to the relationship within our hearts? What if we committed to our inner marriage of divine masculine and feminine? In this way the horse is now before the cart and we will begin to make great progress in our journey back home to Love. We can only love and feel loved by another to the extent to which we love ourselves. If we want to feel love all we need to remember is that we are the embodiment of Love already. Our inner lover is waiting patiently within. There are many paths that will take us to this place but the road, in my experience, is not always easy. It will take courage and faith but if you commit to this you will find that Life will guide you and orchestrate the exact experiences so that you transform your mind and body, so that you can let go of old false beliefs that were obscuring your way. When you look with the eyes of the heart the signs, the clues, the guidance is everywhere because Love wants us to come home. Just as the potential for a mighty oak tree is encoded in a small acorn so the potential for you to realise your divinity is encoded in your DNA, in the story of your human life.
To what extent can you give yourself that which you seek from a partner? Whatever you want from another is an invitation to give yourself. If you want gentleness, tenderness, intimacy, kindness then learn to give these to yourself in everything you think or do. Learn to be the loving mother to yourself. If want to feel safe, honoured, protected then hold yourself in this way. Be the strong fair father to yourself. This is the teaching that our parents gifted us in their inability to love us unconditionally. They were just leading us, directing us to look within for the true source of Love, Union, Oneness. This is the essence of who we already are. This human birth and world gifted us with amnesia and we forgot that the universe, that Love, that union was within. We were conditioned, and convinced by those who pretended to know that if we followed their rules we would attain peace and love. But these are the words of the false prophets of a distorted, misguided and ignorant patriarchy.
Do not be distracted by the trinkets of the world, look within because that is where your treasure lies. That is where home awaits. Whatever you strive for from another, give to yourself and when you have truly surrendered to this truth of truths the marriage of your inner lovers will be consummated and you will be home. The divine masculine or feminine lover that you seek in the world is inside you. When you realise this and attain this union within you will truly know Love for the first time.
As wise, beautiful Rumi reminds us: ‘Look inside yourself; everything that you seek, you already are.’